The Shovel

Australia's second favourite source of satire, after Today Tonight.

Tony Abbott Denies His Government Ever Promised To Be Adults

Tony Abbott this morning said that neither he, nor his colleagues, ever claimed to be adults and that any suggestions they had done were simply misquotes from sections of the … Continue reading

December 1, 2013 · 7 Comments

Christmas Uniforms Not Humiliating Enough, Retail Workers Say

As retail assistants around the country look forward to another festive season, many say their employers are not giving them enough opportunities to look like a total dick.

November 28, 2013 · 5 Comments

Being Shit At Cricket Again ‘Like Putting On An Old, Warm Jumper’ English Fans Say

England fans say being 537 runs behind after three days of play feels better than they expected.

November 24, 2013 · 7 Comments

Indonesia To Shut Down Bali

Bali will be packed up and put away in a very high, hard to find cupboard, until Australia can learn how to apologise, it was revealed today.  

November 21, 2013 · 162 Comments

Next James Bond Movie To Just Be A Couple Of IT Guys Going Through A PowerPoint Presentation

Sony Pictures has given spy fans a taste of what to expect in the next instalment of the James Bond franchise, saying the new film will be a treat for … Continue reading

November 18, 2013 · Leave a comment

Obama To Read All Briefings From Top Secret Sleeping Bag

US President Barack Obama will read all Government briefings from a high-tech goose down sleeping bag, starting next month.

November 12, 2013 · Leave a comment

Humanity Accepts That It’s Probably Going To Have To Give Miley Cyrus Some Attention Soon

Miley Cyrus is one, maybe two, outrageous performances away from getting us to look up from what we’re doing, it was reported today. 

November 11, 2013 · 3 Comments

Australia Loses First Round Of Asylum Seeker

Australia has narrowly lost the first match of Asylum Seeker, in a disappointing start to the five Test series against Indonesia.

November 11, 2013 · 6 Comments

New Science Discoveries To Be Taken To Manus Island For Processing

Any Science found trying to enter Australian institutions would be held in detention on Manus Island before being permanently removed, under tough new regulations revealed by the Government today.

November 9, 2013 · 35 Comments

Man With 40 Aliases Found Wandering, Confused, Along Canberra Street

A man who was found wandering dazed, confused and highly agitated in the Parliamentary district of Canberra has been identified as Australian citizen Kevin Michael Rudd.

November 7, 2013 · 9 Comments

Now Australian Dressing Room Offended

The Australian cricket Dressing Room says it is offended by statements made by Ricky Ponting, in which the former captain said he was offended by Mark Taylor’s accusations that he … Continue reading

October 31, 2013 · Leave a comment

Obama Reaches Out To Angela Merkel: “I Know How You’re Feeling. No, Really.”

US President Barak Obama has reached out to Angela Merkel after it emerged US Government agencies may have been tapping the German Chancellor’s phone for more than ten years.

October 29, 2013 · 2 Comments

Greg Hunt Pays Tribute To Lou Reed, “One Of The Greatest Basketballers Of Our Time”

Environment Minister Greg Hunt released a statement this morning, praising the career of the late Lou Reed, who died at his New York home yesterday.

October 28, 2013 · 3 Comments

Australians Instructed To Use The Term “Illegal Aeronautical Arrivals”

Australians have been told they will now need to refer to trips taken by politicians to visit investment properties or attend weddings as ‘illegal aeronautical arrivals’, rather than ‘genuine parliamentary … Continue reading

October 21, 2013 · 6 Comments

George Brandis’ Bookshelf To Be Used To House Asylum Seekers

The very real prospect of Attorney-General George Brandis’ enormous bookshelf going to waste has been averted, with the Coalition today announcing plans to use the impressive piece as a processing … Continue reading

October 15, 2013 · 3 Comments

Headline Writers ‘Fuming’ Now That Motoring Enthusiast Party Following Palmer

When the Australian Motoring Enthusiast Party announced its alliance with Clive Palmer last week, it wasn’t just a case of a small party getting overtaken from the right. It may … Continue reading

October 14, 2013 · 9 Comments

China Uncertain Who To Invite To Sleepover, Now That Australia Is Best Friends With Japan

The news that Australia is now best friends with Japan has thrown a spanner in the works for China’s slumber party plans next weekend.

October 10, 2013 · Leave a comment

Putin And Abbott Bond Over Bare-Chested Tiger Wrestling

Any animosity between Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott and Russian President Vladimir Putin at yesterday’s APEC meetings was put to one side last night, as the two leaders went out … Continue reading

October 9, 2013 · 19 Comments

Study Tour Required To Confirm To What Extent Greek Islands Affected By GFC: Barnaby Joyce

Nationals MP Barnaby Joyce says he will undertake a long and careful analysis of the impact of the economic crisis on Greek’s islands and their resort infrastructure, as part of … Continue reading

October 7, 2013 · 16 Comments

Attending Sophie Mirabella’s Wedding DEFINITELY Work, Experts Say

Experts from the Finance Department say Prime Minister Tony Abbott was right to claim flights to Sophie Mirabella’s wedding as a work expense, suggesting the event could more accurately be … Continue reading

October 6, 2013 · 7 Comments

Americans Saved From First World Healthcare

The threat of a modern healthcare system may have been averted thanks to American ingenuity.

October 2, 2013 · 14 Comments

Man Who Bought ‘Upper West Side’ Apartment In Melbourne Surprised To Discover His Life Is Still Dull

A Melbourne man who recently splashed out on a brand new apartment in the city’s ‘Upper West Side’ complex, says his life is pretty much the same as it was … Continue reading

September 25, 2013 · 2 Comments

Clive Palmer Announces Plans To Build A Parallel Universe Where People Take Him Seriously

Mining billionaire and aspiring politician Clive Palmer today revealed plans for his most ambitious building project yet. Dubbed “The Universe II” the bold venture will recreate the universe in its … Continue reading

September 16, 2013 · 10 Comments

Amazing! 25 Women Simultaneously Fall In Love With The Same Man

In a bizarre coincidence, twenty-five young women all fell in love with the same man this week, despite never having laid eyes on him. The extraordinary event was caught on … Continue reading

September 11, 2013 · 3 Comments

Annoying Nerdy Guy Still Hanging Around At House Party

A group of friends was tonight wondering how the hell they were going to get rid of that really annoying, self-absorbed guy who’s been hanging around for what seems like … Continue reading

September 10, 2013 · 7 Comments

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