The Shovel

Australia's second favourite source of satire, after Today Tonight.

Indonesia To Allow Schapelle Corby To Go Home, As Long As It’s On A Boat

Operation Sovereign Borders will face its toughest test yet when Schapelle Corby sails into Australian waters on a small fishing vessel, possibly as early as this weekend.

February 5, 2014 · 16 Comments

Queening To Be Outsourced To India

All functions of the British Monarchy will be run from a small factory in Mumbai, after local efforts failed to keep costs to sustainable levels.

January 28, 2014 · 6 Comments

Japan’s Scientific Research Program Still Yet To Uncover Why Whales Die When Speared With A Giant Harpoon

After decades of research, Japanese scientists are no closer to discovering why whales suddenly die when tracked down, surrounded and then shot with an explosive-tipped harpoon.

January 7, 2014 · 29 Comments

North Korean Basketball Team Won Next Wednesday’s Exhibition Game Against US, Local Report Reveals

An exhibition basketball game in North Korea next Wednesday, between a Dennis Rodman-led team of former NBA players and a senior local side, was won by the host nation, the … Continue reading

January 5, 2014 · 3 Comments

Indonesia To Shut Down Bali

Bali will be packed up and put away in a very high, hard to find cupboard, until Australia can learn how to apologise, it was revealed today.  

November 21, 2013 · 162 Comments

Next James Bond Movie To Just Be A Couple Of IT Guys Going Through A PowerPoint Presentation

Sony Pictures has given spy fans a taste of what to expect in the next instalment of the James Bond franchise, saying the new film will be a treat for … Continue reading

November 18, 2013 · Leave a comment

Obama To Read All Briefings From Top Secret Sleeping Bag

US President Barack Obama will read all Government briefings from a high-tech goose down sleeping bag, starting next month.

November 12, 2013 · Leave a comment

Obama Reaches Out To Angela Merkel: “I Know How You’re Feeling. No, Really.”

US President Barak Obama has reached out to Angela Merkel after it emerged US Government agencies may have been tapping the German Chancellor’s phone for more than ten years.

October 29, 2013 · 2 Comments

China Uncertain Who To Invite To Sleepover, Now That Australia Is Best Friends With Japan

The news that Australia is now best friends with Japan has thrown a spanner in the works for China’s slumber party plans next weekend.

October 10, 2013 · Leave a comment

Americans Saved From First World Healthcare

The threat of a modern healthcare system may have been averted thanks to American ingenuity.

October 2, 2013 · 14 Comments

Edward Snowden Just Relieved To Finally Be In A Country That Respects Freedom

After more than a month on the run from the oppressive forces of the US Government, whistleblower Edward Snowden says he’s relieved that he can now relax, safe in the … Continue reading

August 2, 2013 · 1 Comment

“Can You Say ‘Aus-tralia’?” Kate And Wills Run Baby Through Property Portfolio

Prince William and wife Kate used their first afternoon as parents to take their newborn through all the stuff it owns. The couple wheeled a large map into the hospital … Continue reading

July 24, 2013 · 1 Comment

Rupert Murdoch Furious The Sun Didn’t Get Scoop On Secret Rupert Murdoch Tapes

News Corp chief Rupert Murdoch says his flagship tabloid The Sun missed ‘the story of the year’ when it was beaten to the punch by almost every news outlet in … Continue reading

July 10, 2013 · 2 Comments

Rudd Offers Edward Snowden Asylum, On The Condition He Stop Stealing Australian Media Coverage

Prime Minster Kevin Rudd says he would consider offering US fugitive Edward Snowden asylum in Australia, if he would just stop hogging all the god damn media’s attention.

July 3, 2013 · 4 Comments

“Seriously, You Guys Talk Some Sh*t”: David Cameron Displeased With Level Of Discourse On British Phone Calls

The UK could halve its national debt and almost triple its productivity if Brits didn’t spend so much time talking rubbish on the phone. That’s according to Prime Minister David … Continue reading

June 25, 2013 · 2 Comments

Putin Divorces Wife, Marries Himself

Just a week after announcing his divorce from wife Lyudmila, Russian President Vladimir Putin has married himself in a glamorous ceremony in Moscow.

June 13, 2013 · 5 Comments

America Has “The Best Mass Surveillance System Since East Germany”: Obama

As high-level talks between China and the US wound up in California on the weekend, US President Barack Obama stressed that, while there was some common ground between the two … Continue reading

June 10, 2013 · 1 Comment

George Bush Puts Finishing Touches To Portraits Of John Howard And Tony Blair

Since leaving office four years ago, former US President George W Bush has turned his attention to painting, experimenting with a diverse range of  different styles. But it is the … Continue reading

May 31, 2013 · 2 Comments

Fake ASIO Buildings “Popping Up All Over Shanghai”

Claims aired on the ABC’s Four Corners program on Monday that China has nicked the plans for the new ASIO building, seem to have been proven correct, after dozens of cheap knock-offs were … Continue reading

May 29, 2013 · 2 Comments

Concerns That “Obama Is Only Human” Claims May Actually Be Correct

The man who in 2009 won a Nobel Peace Prize using just an inspirational turn of phrase and apparently once fed an entire African nation with little more than a … Continue reading

May 20, 2013 · Leave a comment

Sci-Fi Convention Brawl Broken Up By Man Asking For Advice On How To Increase The Performance Of His PC

A fight between two rival science fiction clubs in Norwich, UK, only came to an end when a bypasser wondered aloud how he might best boost the speed of his … Continue reading

May 17, 2013 · Leave a comment

Syrian War “Struggling For Ratings” Networks Say

The Syrian War looks set to be moved to the ‘graveyard’ 11:00pm Saturday night spot on SBS 2 after failing to capture the imagination of Australian viewers in recent episodes.

May 6, 2013 · 1 Comment

‘George W Bush Presidential Library’ Actually Just A Small Coffee Table In A Corridor

Former US Presidents and dignitaries from around the world gathered in Dallas yesterday for the opening of the George W Bush Presidential Library.

April 26, 2013 · 4 Comments

Rich, Middle-Aged Men Go Into Bat For Underprivileged Psychopaths

They say a measure of a civilisation is how it treats its most vulnerable citizens.

April 18, 2013 · 1 Comment

British Public’s Memories Of Margaret Thatcher To Be Carved Up And Sold Off

In a final nod to the benefits of market capitalism, Baroness Thatcher has, on her deathbed, asked that all public memories of her be privatised.

April 9, 2013 · 4 Comments

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