The Shovel

Australia's second favourite source of satire, after Today Tonight.

2014 Shaping Up To Be Quickest Year Ever, Work Colleague Confirms

“It’s already February” account manager Jodie Burns told colleagues today. And if her predictions are correct, it will soon be March.

February 3, 2014 · 9 Comments

Woman To Donate $50 Per Month To Support A Place She’ll Probably Never Visit

Jenny Angelo, and thousands of other Australians like her, has pledged to give $50 each month to help support essential services in a far away location she may never have … Continue reading

January 16, 2014 · Leave a comment

REVEALED: Your Overseas Friends Actually Don’t Care What The Temperature Is Where You Are

Your mates in London and New York couldn’t give two shits that it’s 36 degrees in Australia, it has emerged.

January 14, 2014 · 7 Comments

Workers Looking Forward To Not Listening To What Colleagues Did For Christmas

Office workers around the country can’t wait to switch right off when their colleagues tell them all about how they spent the Christmas break.

January 1, 2014 · Leave a comment

Ralph Lauren Polo Logo To Be Replaced With Actual Bag Of Money

Ralph Lauren’s classic polo shirt will be updated this season with the oversized man-on-a-horse-with-a-stick logo to be replaced with a large bag of money that will hang off the front … Continue reading

December 11, 2013 · 2 Comments

Man Forced To Watch Concert With His Own Eyes

A thirty-eight year old man from Brisbane was left with no alternative but to watch an entire concert with his eyes, after he mistakenly left his phone at home.

December 9, 2013 · 131 Comments

Fat, Ugly Rich Guy Makes Unexpected Appearance In Teenage Boy’s Fantasy

A complex fantasy about lingerie model Miranda Kerr, which teenager Sam Daw has been developing for several weeks, took a turn for the worst last night when billionaire James Packer … Continue reading

December 2, 2013 · 5 Comments

Christmas Uniforms Not Humiliating Enough, Retail Workers Say

As retail assistants around the country look forward to another festive season, many say their employers are not giving them enough opportunities to look like a total dick.

November 28, 2013 · 5 Comments

Man Who Bought ‘Upper West Side’ Apartment In Melbourne Surprised To Discover His Life Is Still Dull

A Melbourne man who recently splashed out on a brand new apartment in the city’s ‘Upper West Side’ complex, says his life is pretty much the same as it was … Continue reading

September 25, 2013 · 2 Comments

Google Already Knows How You Will Waste This Afternoon

Forget any plans you had for a productive day. Google already knows that you’ll spend the best part of the afternoon sifting through old emails, searching “cat falls off table” … Continue reading

June 28, 2013 · Leave a comment

Shopping Strip To Be Demolished To Make Way For More Taco Trucks

High Street, a popular shopping and dining strip in Melbourne’s inner north, will be bulldozed next year to allow more room for vans selling Mexican food.

June 18, 2013 · Leave a comment

Confusion As Woman Can’t Remember Whether She Boycotted Myer Or David Jones

Earlier this month Susan Greenberg angrily declared to friends that she would “never shop at that department store again!” Now, she can’t remember which department store it was.

May 27, 2013 · Leave a comment

Man’s Story About How Much He Drank Last Night “Actually Not That Interesting”, Friends Say

Sydney man Johno Yates was shocked to discover this morning that his friends didn’t find the details of his drinking exploits – which included finishing an entire bottle of Jack … Continue reading

March 19, 2013 · Leave a comment

“So, I’ve Got Some News! …” Woman Secretly Hoping To Be Diagnosed As Gluten Intolerant

A woman who was tested for gluten intolerance this week says she’s quietly looking forward to breaking the news to friends, once her test results come back.

March 18, 2013 · Leave a comment

Old Friends To Spend “Most Of Saturday” Discussing Which Route They Took To Get To Beach House

Ron and Liz Schaefer have been spending the Australia Day long weekend down the coast with The Bradleys for almost 20 years. This year is no different.

January 23, 2013 · Leave a comment

Conversations About House Prices Up 11% Year-On-Year

Figures released today show that the number of conversations about house prices continues to rise in Australia, with social gatherings in some suburbs becoming simply unbearable.

January 16, 2013 · 3 Comments

Mother Accidently Provides Honest Feedback About Daughter’s Christmas Concert

A mother from Sydney was forced to make an apology this morning after giving a stinging, if accurate, critique of her five year-old daughter’s Christmas concert.

December 11, 2012 · Leave a comment

‘Awkward’ period between football and cricket seasons forces people to have real conversations

With the AFL and NRL seasons finishing up last weekend – a full six weeks before the first Test Match begins – many people were at a loss for what … Continue reading

October 7, 2012 · Leave a comment

‘Honest’ comment about friend’s baby leads to social media crisis

Over the past six months the Facebook friends of Julie Opey have been subjected to literally hundreds of status updates, photos and videos detailing the movements of Julie’s new baby, … Continue reading

August 29, 2012 · Leave a comment

Melbourne man opens cool little new bar in the back of a rubbish truck

It’s what Melbourne is famous for. Quirky cafes and bars tucked away in the most unlikely of places – down dark laneways, underneath methadone clinics and in hard-to-track-down roaming vans. … Continue reading

August 1, 2012 · 1 Comment

Awkward silence after senior manager uses the word ‘funky’ in a meeting

Employees at a city accountancy firm are still reeling after one of the senior partners allegedly used the word ‘funky’ in meeting with important clients yesterday. The partner, who did … Continue reading

July 19, 2012 · Leave a comment

Christopher Hitchens’ ghost too embarrassed to admit he was wrong about the afterlife

The ghost of outspoken writer and atheist Christopher Hitchens was yesterday seen hiding behind a thicket of trees in his old hometown of Houston, struggling to come to terms with … Continue reading

June 14, 2012 · 1 Comment

Shock As Teenage Girl Says Meeting One Direction Was Only ‘Second Best’ Day Of Her Life

In a stunning admission yesterday, thirteen year-old Melbourne school girl Taylor Scholes said that her encounter with boy band One Direction was not the best day of her life. It is believed to … Continue reading

May 10, 2012 · 1 Comment

Tourist accidently mistakes modern art installation for a piece of Glad Wrap

In an embarrassing and costly blunder, a Japanese tourist placed a highly valued piece of artwork in a gallery rubbish bin after he mistook the work for a discarded sandwich … Continue reading

April 29, 2012 · Leave a comment

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