The Shovel

Australia's second favourite source of satire, after Today Tonight.

Australians Told To Impartially Cheer For Home Team At Tomorrow Night’s T20 Match

The Federal Government has asked its citizens to barrack for Australia with rigorous unbiasedness at tomorrow night’s T20 cricket match against England at the MCG.

January 30, 2014 · 11 Comments

Climate Change No Longer A Threat, Reader Poll Confirms

Those concerned about climate change can rest easy, following a reader poll in a popular newspaper that revealed the phenomenon is no longer a serious threat.

January 22, 2014 · 12 Comments

Jesus Wondering Whether He Should Tell Cory Bernardi About The Whole Joseph Thing

Christian figurehead Jesus Christ was today wondering whether he should tell Senator Cory Bernardi about the fact he was brought up by his step-dad, or just let him continue thinking … Continue reading

January 10, 2014 · 26 Comments

Presumption Of Innocence caught associating with Legal System on the Gold Coast

One of the leading members of the ‘Fundamentals of Law’ gang – Presumption of Innocence – and his close friend Legal System were arrested by Queensland police last night after … Continue reading

January 8, 2014 · 8 Comments

Gina Rinehart Reassures Joe Hockey: “I Inherited A $47 Billion Hole Too, And Everything Turned Out Ok”

Mining magnate Gina Rinehart has offered Federal Treasurer Joe Hockey her support after the Coalition today announced it had inherited a multi-billion dollar budget black hole from the previous Labor … Continue reading

December 17, 2013 · 15 Comments

NBN To Be Powered Entirely By Malcolm Turnbull’s Popularity

The Government today announced that it would cut all funding to the national broadband rollout and instead power the network directly with Communication Minister Malcolm Turnbull’s charm.

December 16, 2013 · 11 Comments

ABC Comes Clean: “Mr Squiggle Was A Puppet”

Just days after journalist Piers Akerman exposed ABC cartoon character Peppa Pig as a left-wing feminist mouthpiece, the Australian national broadcaster has conceded that iconic children’s television star Mr Squiggle … Continue reading

December 15, 2013 · 14 Comments

Paul Keating Almost Certainly The Best, Most Humble Prime Minister Ever, Says Paul Keating

Most of the significant human achievements of the past fifty years were the brainchild of Paul Keating, Paul Keating has revealed.

December 4, 2013 · 9 Comments

Tony Abbott Denies His Government Ever Promised To Be Adults

Tony Abbott this morning said that neither he, nor his colleagues, ever claimed to be adults and that any suggestions they had done were simply misquotes from sections of the … Continue reading

December 1, 2013 · 7 Comments

Australia Loses First Round Of Asylum Seeker

Australia has narrowly lost the first match of Asylum Seeker, in a disappointing start to the five Test series against Indonesia.

November 11, 2013 · 6 Comments

New Science Discoveries To Be Taken To Manus Island For Processing

Any Science found trying to enter Australian institutions would be held in detention on Manus Island before being permanently removed, under tough new regulations revealed by the Government today.

November 9, 2013 · 35 Comments

Man With 40 Aliases Found Wandering, Confused, Along Canberra Street

A man who was found wandering dazed, confused and highly agitated in the Parliamentary district of Canberra has been identified as Australian citizen Kevin Michael Rudd.

November 7, 2013 · 9 Comments

George Brandis’ Bookshelf To Be Used To House Asylum Seekers

The very real prospect of Attorney-General George Brandis’ enormous bookshelf going to waste has been averted, with the Coalition today announcing plans to use the impressive piece as a processing … Continue reading

October 15, 2013 · 3 Comments

Headline Writers ‘Fuming’ Now That Motoring Enthusiast Party Following Palmer

When the Australian Motoring Enthusiast Party announced its alliance with Clive Palmer last week, it wasn’t just a case of a small party getting overtaken from the right. It may … Continue reading

October 14, 2013 · 9 Comments

Putin And Abbott Bond Over Bare-Chested Tiger Wrestling

Any animosity between Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott and Russian President Vladimir Putin at yesterday’s APEC meetings was put to one side last night, as the two leaders went out … Continue reading

October 9, 2013 · 19 Comments

Study Tour Required To Confirm To What Extent Greek Islands Affected By GFC: Barnaby Joyce

Nationals MP Barnaby Joyce says he will undertake a long and careful analysis of the impact of the economic crisis on Greek’s islands and their resort infrastructure, as part of … Continue reading

October 7, 2013 · 16 Comments

Attending Sophie Mirabella’s Wedding DEFINITELY Work, Experts Say

Experts from the Finance Department say Prime Minister Tony Abbott was right to claim flights to Sophie Mirabella’s wedding as a work expense, suggesting the event could more accurately be … Continue reading

October 6, 2013 · 7 Comments

Clive Palmer Announces Plans To Build A Parallel Universe Where People Take Him Seriously

Mining billionaire and aspiring politician Clive Palmer today revealed plans for his most ambitious building project yet. Dubbed “The Universe II” the bold venture will recreate the universe in its … Continue reading

September 16, 2013 · 10 Comments

Annoying Nerdy Guy Still Hanging Around At House Party

A group of friends was tonight wondering how the hell they were going to get rid of that really annoying, self-absorbed guy who’s been hanging around for what seems like … Continue reading

September 10, 2013 · 7 Comments

Photos Of Candidate’s Daughters To Be Included On Ballot Papers

In an effort to make the voting process more straightforward, the Australian Electoral Commission (AEC) will include pictures of each candidate’s daughter on ballot papers at Saturday’s Federal election.

September 5, 2013 · 12 Comments

Malcolm Turnbull To Be Sold To Fund Coalition Promises

Australia’s most popular politician, Malcolm Turnbull, will be auctioned off to help fund the Coalition’s spending and savings promises, it was revealed today.

September 4, 2013 · 8 Comments

Boat People Clogging Up Sydney Harbour Too

Less than a day after Liberal candidate Fiona Scott revealed that boat people were causing road congestion in Western Sydney, concerns were raised that they may be clogging up the … Continue reading

September 3, 2013 · 7 Comments

Coalition Costings To Be Presented In Picture-Book Format

Opposition Treasury Spokesman Joe Hockey will release the final details of the Coalition’s policy costings in a beautifully illustrated picture book, it has been revealed.

August 29, 2013 · 12 Comments

Malcolm Turnbull Launches New Logo For Coalition’s Broadband Policy

Shadow Communications Minister Malcolm Turnbull today launched the new logo for the Coalition’s broadband plan, during a captivating overhead projector presentation to Liberal Party faithful.

August 26, 2013 · 19 Comments

Change In Strategy: Rudd To Target Adults

Halfway through the campaign and with the polls pointing to a Coalition victory, Kevin Rudd is contemplating a significant change to his election strategy – talking directly to adults.

August 21, 2013 · 2 Comments

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