The Shovel

Australia's second favourite source of satire, after Today Tonight.

New ‘Tech Bra’ Only Unhooks When Man Has Taken Bins Out

In a long-awaited fusion between hot-blooded hormones and cold, hard practicality, a new bra designed by Australian scientists will only unlock after the potential suitor has taken out the bins … Continue reading

January 29, 2014 · 1 Comment

US Private Equity Firm Buys Last Remaining Piece Of 1997

US firm Platinum Equity this morning bought Australia’s ‘Yellow and White Pages’ for a reported $454 million. It is believed to be a new record for signature pieces from the … Continue reading

January 13, 2014 · Leave a comment

Rupert Murdoch Divorce Settlement: Wendi To Get Kids, Australia

Rupert Murdoch’s recently estranged third wife Wendi Deng will take over control of the couple’s children and Australia as early as next week, after the two came to an agreement … Continue reading

July 2, 2013 · 12 Comments

When We Said We Wanted The Australian Dollar To “Go Down”, We Actually Meant “Stay The Same”

Australians have come to the realisation that life will be an absolute misery with a lower Australian dollar. It comes just months after Australians came to the realisation that life … Continue reading

June 21, 2013 · 8 Comments

New Innovation: Department Store Enables Customers To Send Christmas Gifts Directly To Land-fill

A major low-cost department store says it is ‘cutting out the middle man’ by allowing customers to send its range of cheap plastic toys, low-quality outdoor settings and budget home-wares … Continue reading

December 11, 2012 · Leave a comment

Nokia relives glory days with 1998-themed party

While Apple was celebrating the launch of its new iPhone yesterday, the once popular mobile phone company Nokia was having a party of its own. The 1998-themed event was the … Continue reading

September 14, 2012 · Leave a comment

‘Faking it’: Target’s customer service may also be fake, sources claim

Just days after discount department chain Target was accused of selling fake M.A.C cosmetics, it has be claimed that much of the retailer’s customer service may be fake as well.

September 10, 2012 · 2 Comments

Gina Rinehart’s five easy steps to making more money

Today in a column for Australian Resources and Investment magazine, Australia’s richest person Gina Rinehart provided some handy tips for those wishing to earn more money. “Don’t just sit there … Continue reading

August 30, 2012 · 6 Comments

Melbourne’s Metro Trains to phase out passengers in bold plan to reduce overcrowding

Melbourne’s Metro Trains has released a blueprint for the city’s public transport future which it says will dramatically increase efficiency and reduce overcrowding on the strained network. At the heart … Continue reading

August 21, 2012 · 1 Comment

ADVERTISING FEATURE: Transform your life with The Shovel’s all-purpose knife set!!

Are your kitchen knives letting you down? Do you spend hours trying to cut the crap out of your life only to find that your knives were designed for cutting … Continue reading

August 16, 2012 · 1 Comment

YAHOO! to become YAHOO? – Logo changed to reflect growing irrelevance

Internet company Yahoo! has finally faced the reality that it is nothing more than a poor man’s Google, announcing yesterday that it will replace the ‘!’ in its logo with … Continue reading

July 24, 2012 · Leave a comment

BREAKING: Newspaper editors run out of chocolate-related puns to describe Darrell Lea demise

It started as a case of rich pickings but quickly turned into an all-out binge. As Darrell Lea – one of Australia’s largest chocolate retailers – went into voluntary administration, … Continue reading

July 23, 2012 · Leave a comment

Awkward silence after senior manager uses the word ‘funky’ in a meeting

Employees at a city accountancy firm are still reeling after one of the senior partners allegedly used the word ‘funky’ in meeting with important clients yesterday. The partner, who did … Continue reading

July 19, 2012 · Leave a comment

McDonalds imposes ban on smiling at all Olympic venues

If you were expecting your Yorkshire pudding to be served with a smile at this year’s London Olympics, you’re out of luck. Food giant and London 2012 Olympics sponsor McDonalds has pulled … Continue reading

July 12, 2012 · 1 Comment

Australia’s counterfeit watchdog to crack down on fake orgasms

After successfully stemming the trade of counterfeit handbags, rip-off sunglasses and bogus new-release DVDs, the Intellectual Property Protection Commission (IPPC) has turned its attention to fake orgasms.

July 9, 2012 · Leave a comment

Jetstar announces plans to charge extra for smiles from flight attendants

Low cost carrier Jetstar said yesterday it was investigating ways to further compartmentalise the cost of its service. A ‘smiles surcharge’ is at the top of a long list of … Continue reading

June 21, 2012 · Leave a comment

Melbourne school bans students from having a personality

Students at a primary school in Melbourne’s outer east will no longer be allowed to have a personality. The surprising ban comes just one day after it was revealed that … Continue reading

June 14, 2012 · Leave a comment

Al Qaeda claims responsibility for Melbourne’s Myki ticketing system

Abdul Hameed Muhammad, a senior figure in Al Qaeda has declared that the terrorist group is behind ‘Myki’, Melbourne’s new public transport ticketing system. In an extensive interview with the … Continue reading

May 27, 2012 · 39 Comments

Clive Palmer announces intentions to build an exact replica of his old reputation

Queensland Mining magnate Clive Palmer revealed today that he is in advanced talks with an international PR company to rebuild his reputation from scratch. 

May 1, 2012 · 3 Comments

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