The Shovel

Australia's second favourite source of satire, after Today Tonight.

Axing Of Today Tonight Sends Shockwaves Through Fad Diet Community

Today Tonight satireChannel 7’s decision to scrap current affairs flagship Today Tonight in Australia’s eastern states is a massive blow for serious journalism, according to those who rely on the show’s in-depth investigative reporting. 

Jenny Holsworth, who owns FatChance, a miracle pill company that helps users shed three quarters of their body weight in just 8 weeks, said it was a ‘black day’ for Australian media.

“Today Tonight was one of the few programs left that provided a considered, scientific analysis of the latest ways to starve your body of essential nutrients,” she said.

Political observers were also shocked by the news. Media analyst Rory Halls said the timing of the announcement – just one week after the ABC was exposed as biased and unbalanced – adds salt to the wound. “Now more than ever, we need TT’s rigorous, level-headed approach to covering the big issues. It’s a significant loss”.

But not everyone is sad to see the current affairs program go. Ringwood man Neighbour From Hell happily raised his middle finger at the decision, while Australia’s Greediest Landlord said he’s looking forward to being even greedier.

A Muslim Man With A Beard suspiciously answered our reporter’s questions in a foreign language.

The Shovel is Australia’s satire news website. For more, follow The Shovel on Facebook and Twitter.

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13 comments on “Axing Of Today Tonight Sends Shockwaves Through Fad Diet Community

  1. olddavey
    February 3, 2014

    Get rid of a half hour of shit following the news, then add a half hour of shit to the end of the news.
    No-one will notice the difference.

  2. Breno
    February 3, 2014

    Leaving the chasing of Dodgy Builders™ ripping off Pensioners Who Can Only Afford To Eat Cat Food™ to ACA. The East Coast is about to descend into a crime wave of injustice.

  3. dave
    February 3, 2014

    Has someone told the reporter down the well?

  4. Lachlan Easton
    February 3, 2014

    The Shovel ever closer to becoming Australia’s number one source of satire.

    • BronL
      February 4, 2014

      hehe – well played, sir.

  5. asta
    February 3, 2014

    When you start with one eyed commercial news who could blame the sharks for trying to fake follow up with that kind of TT steroidal reporting. If you believe world wrestling is more than theatre then you deserve to believe the stuff shovelled for so may years by today tonight. Go for it ambulance chasers. Just forget the real world & have another ice cream.

  6. Mikhail Baxterchov
    February 4, 2014

    Jeez, ‘asta’ sounds like he/she could be a Designer-Of-Miracle-Slimming-Frock, or ‘OCD-Afflicted-Discount-Voucher-Collector’ who will be ruthlessly robbed of their opportunity to get their 4min20secs worth of newsworthy exposure…!

  7. uloola
    February 4, 2014

    Where can I get my daily dose of fatuous,inane and puerile dross now?
    I’m going to miss shaking my fist at dastardly dodgy drongos,my dentist is pleased that I will no longer be grinding my teeth in anger and frustration at the deeds of sociopathic scumbags.
    Does any one want to buy my large gilt edged framed picture of Tracy Grimshaw?

  8. Ed @ The Tunnel
    February 4, 2014

    Looks like it is time for a new byline for The Shovel – on the east coast, at least.

  9. Kevin
    February 6, 2014

    Was Pensioner With a Large Electricity Bill not available for comment?

    • uloola
      February 6, 2014

      Are DVD’s of old episodes available yet?

    • NickyNoo
      February 7, 2014

      @ Kevin. ROFL.

  10. Mikhail Baxterchov
    February 7, 2014

    What will ‘Mother of ill-bred, badly-fed, terribly-reared*, ADHD-afflicted child’ do for sympathy from people she’ll never know? (* I believe SOME cases of ADHD are really just ‘A Dick Head Dad’.)

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This entry was posted on February 3, 2014 by in Entertainment and tagged , , , , .

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