The Shovel

Australia's second favourite source of satire, after Today Tonight.

Malcolm Turnbull To Be Sold To Fund Coalition Promises

Malcolm Turnbull satireAustralia’s most popular politician, Malcolm Turnbull, will be auctioned off to help fund the Coalition’s spending and savings promises, it was revealed today.

Opposition Leader Tony Abbott said it was a ‘win-win-win’ strategy. “The Coalition will plug the budget gap, one lucky Australian will get a unique memento of early 21st Century politics and I’ll get the prick off the front bench,” he said.

The winning bidder will be able to do whatever they want with Mr Turnbull. “He’d look great on a mantelpiece, or as a pot plant,” one Liberal strategist said. “Or you could use him to grab coffees in the morning”.

Interior stylist Gabby-Ann Jenkins – who plans to bid on the item – said Mr Turnbull would be popular amongst discerning left-leaning inner-city professionals. “What a great talking point for dinner parties or your community working bee. He really is the must-have feature piece for the 21st century home”.

Asked if the Coalition had considered selling off other MPs instead of Mr Turnbull, one Liberal insider said, “We might’ve got some loose change for Joe Hockey, and Christopher Pyne could be sold as a prank item for Halloween, but it’s not exactly going to fund a parental leave scheme, is it?”

The Shovel is Australia’s satire website. Follow The Shovel on Facebook and Twitter


8 comments on “Malcolm Turnbull To Be Sold To Fund Coalition Promises

  1. jasonblog
    September 4, 2013

    As a wise man once said – “it’s funny because it’s true!”

    Thank-you for brightening my evening!

  2. cartoonmick
    September 4, 2013

    Great, where can I lodge my bid? We’ve been looking for a new butler now for about 3 years, but they’ve all gone north to the mining boom.

    Glad about Christopher and Joe not being flogged off, cartoonists of Australia need them.



  3. mludowyk
    September 4, 2013

    I’m sure he’d have more friends somewhere else

  4. Felonious
    September 4, 2013

    Can I bid on Sophie? She’d be ideal for scaring off Jehovos and keeping the birds out of the apricot tree!

    • mludowyk
      September 4, 2013

      I’d like to buy Christopher Pyne, I’m sure he’d be cheap and I can think of lots of things I’d like to to do him

      • Saaq Madiq
        September 5, 2013

        Or target practice maybe.

  5. uloola
    September 5, 2013

    The whole of the LNP is for sale,just ask any lobbyist.

  6. Saaq Madiq
    September 5, 2013

    When Chrissie was a baby I would have loved somebody call out,” a dingo has got my baby”.

Post a comment ...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


This entry was posted on September 4, 2013 by in 2013 Election Coverage, Politics and tagged , , , , .

Enter your email address to get the latest scoops shovelled to your inbox

Follow The Shovel on Twitter!

  • Looking for The Shovel? We've had our underscores surgically removed. We're now tweeting from @TheShovel See you there. 2 years ago
%d bloggers like this: