The Shovel

Australia's second favourite source of satire, after Today Tonight.

Liberal Strategists Frantically Trying To Remember How To Stop Tony Abbott Talking

Tony Abbott satire

(image from Fairfax)

Senior figures in the Liberal Party are searching through old manuals and revisiting how-to guides, to help them remember how they stopped Tony Abbott from saying anything between October 2012 and July 2013, after the Opposition Leader mysteriously started talking again this week.

“There was a switch or a knob or something, I can’t quite remember,” said one Party strategist. “But whatever it was that we pressed, Tony stopped talking and the polls starting going up. We’ve got literally hours to work out how to do it again or we’re f*cked”.

Since he started talking again this week, Mr Abbott has made a constant tit of himself, claiming no-one can be the suppository of all wisdom, judging the worthiness of one of his candidates based on her sex appeal and writing off gay marriage as a passing fad. One Liberal insider worried that if Mr Abbott wasn’t switched off soon, there was every chance he could blurt out a costed policy.

Mr Abbott was contacted for comment, but his minders wouldn’t let us get anywhere near him.

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12 comments on “Liberal Strategists Frantically Trying To Remember How To Stop Tony Abbott Talking

  1. Fed up
    August 14, 2013

    Tony has little trouble until he moves off script and away from the slogans.

  2. No To Tony
    August 14, 2013

    And he sounds like a dick if he just repeats his slogans continually. So…. Win-Win

  3. jen
    August 15, 2013

    Don’t stop him talking, he’s awesome when he puts both feet in his mouth!!

  4. Rob
    August 15, 2013

    Wheel him back into the shed, Peta’s got to replace the burnt out Murdoch circuit.

  5. graemeo28
    August 15, 2013

    There is definately a knob… but no one touching it.. 🙂

  6. Robyn Moore
    August 15, 2013

    I’m not sure they’re unintentional gaffes. I think it’s his way of signaling to his voter base that he’s a sexist, racist homophobe without saying so explicitly

  7. Squirrel
    August 15, 2013

    Loved the “suppository of all wisdom” comment when I heard it on the ABC news! I felt sure The Shovel would mention such a classic malapropism and thank you for not disappointing me. One has to wonder if Tony Abbott secretly thinks that wisdom can be found in that area of the body.

  8. Bob
    August 15, 2013

    I especially liked the comment that he was Street walking with Joe Hockey last week. Liberals must be really hard up for cash.

  9. Darin Sullivan
    August 16, 2013

    Reblogged this on The Left Hack.

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This entry was posted on August 14, 2013 by in 2013 Election Coverage, Politics and tagged , , , , .

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