The Shovel

Australia's second favourite source of satire, after Today Tonight.

When We Said We Wanted The Australian Dollar To “Go Down”, We Actually Meant “Stay The Same”

Australian satireAustralians have come to the realisation that life will be an absolute misery with a lower Australian dollar. It comes just months after Australians came to the realisation that life was an absolutely misery with a high Australian dollar.

Economist Trudy Jenkins said the above-parity levels that have persisted for much of the past three years were “way too high”. She added that the recent below parity levels, were “much too low”.

Meanwhile, retailer Gerry Harvey, who recently said the high Australian dollar was killing his business, said the lower Australian dollar was killing his business. He labelled the Australian Dollar ‘un Australian’.

Mr Harvey suggested doing away with currency altogether and using small white goods as units of trade instead.

Want more? Follow The Shovel on Facebook and Twitter.

Advertisements

8 comments on “When We Said We Wanted The Australian Dollar To “Go Down”, We Actually Meant “Stay The Same”

  1. edward eastwood
    June 21, 2013

    Phew…that’s a relief! When I read the first part of the headline in my inbox, I thought that you meant something else…

  2. uloola
    June 21, 2013

    It’s a little known fact that the value of Australia’s currency is controlled by a shadowy cabal of fiscal fiends who go by the name of “The Gnomes of Zurich”.This Murdochish cabal of nefarious Swiss demons had previously raised Mr Harvey to exalted position of 5P which means he is considered a”Perfectly Peerless Paragon of Perfection Person”.This high accolade was previously only granted to Gina Ironheart”
    The news that he was going to use white goods as a means of exchange had thrown a normally sedate group of bureaucrats into a frenzy of pencil sharpening,this came at a bad time because they where chairing the Bilderberg Group at that moment.But relying on the central tenet of their creed,this being the “Divine Right of Bureaucrats”,they came to the obvious conclusion that big JH had forgotten the main principal of Darwinian capitalism,this being “Survival of the Cheapest”
    As punishment for Jerry’s crime the dollar was lowered to a level that would cause angst among people of that ilk,a sign of this was John Symonds buying generic brand food at Aldi.
    The Gnomes are confidant that the restoration of the Abbott dynasty to the position of the Supreme Leader will restore the kind of Howardesque stability that Ms Gail Kelly et- al are used to expecting.
    However the prudent among us are quietly purchasing large stocks of toasters etc just in case.

    • Shirley
      June 21, 2013

      My dad used to tell me about the Gnomes of Zurich when I was a little girl… and that was many, many years ago … like 50+ years! I used to think he was telling me scary fairy stories. I should have listened more closely. Also stockpiling white goods… just in case!

    • Dave
      June 21, 2013

      Hahaha too funny & very well written

    • edward eastwood
      June 21, 2013

      A very wise decision… to coin a phrase. I wonder what Jerry will give me for that enamel piss-pot I’ve kept under the bed for all these years? Should be worth a bit, after all, I named it after him.

      • uloola
        June 24, 2013

        Let me guess Edward,you’ve named the pot the Jerry can?
        Whenever he makes a public statement,such as why are we paying people welfare,when the commentators who ask him to elaborate on that he gives his stock reply, I am only a horse and cattle breeder nowadays,I don’t get involved with every day matters.
        I think the moderators are going to tell us to stay on subject.

  3. g2-5bba245eb6db01d36e28de6648a6336a
    June 21, 2013

    But I want the benefits of a low Australian dollar AND the benefits of high Australian dollar AT THE SAME TIME !!!

    I want it and if I do not get what I want it must be GILLARD’S FAULT !!!!

    • uloola
      June 21, 2013

      Surely it must be the fault of both Wayne”swan song”Swan and Penny”drop”Wong,they had possession of the cheque book.Political protocol dictates the Supreme Leader is infallible,as per the divine right of kings, or queens for that matter.The Divine one will tell us in her memoirs that it was all the fault of the previous Liberal Reich.

Post a comment ...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on June 21, 2013 by in Business and tagged , , , .

Enter your email address to get the latest scoops shovelled to your inbox

Follow The Shovel on Twitter!

  • Looking for The Shovel? We've had our underscores surgically removed. We're now tweeting from @TheShovel See you there. 1 year ago
%d bloggers like this: