Australia's second favourite source of satire, after Today Tonight.
Broadcaster Alan Jones has started the search for an employee to check the accuracy of his on-air statements after yesterday’s ruling by the Australian Communications & Media Authority that ordered 2GB to use a fact-checker. Mr Jones today released a quiz that prospective candidates for the role will be asked to complete as part of the recruitment process. The quiz is reproduced below.
Program: The Alan Jones Show
Please answer each question as accurately as possible.
1. Global warming is:
a) The increase in the temperature of the earth’s atmosphere
b) A punk rock band I belonged to in the 1970s
c) A hoax cooked up by the Gillard Government that, let’s be clear about this, has one goal and one goal only: to take possession of your house and kidnap your children
2. The statement “we should put the Prime Minister in a Chaff Bag and throw her out to sea” is:
b) Clever satire
c) Grammatically incorrect. There’s no need to capitalise chaff bag
3. 0.45% is:
a) The actual contribution Australia makes to carbon dioxide in the atmosphere
b) The percentage of my listeners who voted for The Greens at the last Federal election
c) The proportion of my brain dedicated to giving a toss about scientific evidence
4. The term ‘Juliar’ is:
a) A little bit childish
b) How Albanians pronounce the seventh calendar month
c) A clever alternative name for our Prime Minister (if you haven’t worked it out yet, it combines the word ‘Julia’ with ‘liar’)
5. The definition of a bully is:
a) A person who uses strength or influence to harm or intimidate those who are weaker
b) A rare breed of dog found in southern Italy
c) It can either mean ‘robust debate’ or ‘a vicious campaign to drive advertisers away from my radio program’. It depends on who is being accused of bullying
6. The CSIRO is:
a) Australia’s national science agency
b) A song by The Village People
c) A spy organisation set up by Bob Brown, and funded by the taxpayer, to eavesdrop on the private conversations of my listeners, without their consent
7. Lord Monckton is:
a) A slightly odd British man who once compared economist Ross Garnaut to Adolf Hitler
a) A character from the Harry Potter series
b) The pre-eminent authority on climate science due to a decades-long commitment to evidence-based research
8. An apology is:
a) A regretful acknowledgement of an offence or failure
b) An ancient Greek word meaning ‘a dispute over land or sheep’
c) A good opportunity to point out the flaws in the current Government
If you answered:
Mainly a’s: Please don’t waste any more of my time. You probably think your elitist view of the world is somehow trendy or clever, but it’s actually just wrong. I’m organising a chaff bag for you as I write.
Mainly b’s: Thanks for your interest in the role. We received a lot of applications and unfortunately you missed out this time. Be sure to tune in from 5:30am each weekday.
Mainly c’s: Toilets are down the hall to the left; help yourself to coffee or tea. Welcome aboard.