Australia's second favourite source of satire, after Today Tonight.
Today in a column for Australian Resources and Investment magazine, Australia’s richest person Gina Rinehart provided some handy tips for those wishing to earn more money. “Don’t just sit there and complain,” she wrote, “Do something to make more money yourself – spend less time drinking or smoking and socialising, and more time working.”
But it turns out this was just a taste of the generous advice that the mining magnate had to offer. Would-be millionaires looking for further wisdom on how to become filthy rich will be excited to learn that Mrs Rinehart has this evening released her “5-Step Guide to Making Loads of Money”. And it’s not just about cutting down on the smokes!
Follow is an exclusive extract from the guide.
1. Make sure your dad is really wealthy
Do whatever you have to do to be born into enormous wealth. It saves a lot of time building a business from scratch and can open a lot of doors that will create you even more money in the long run. Inheriting $75 million and an iron-ore mine was my wealth strategy; what’s yours?
2. Keep your children’s dirty mitts off your money
Time and time again I see parents that are just too generous with their kids. The more you give them, the more they want, and before you know it they expect that money will just fall into their lap. Get your legal team to set up a watertight, legally binding agreement with your children that stipulates what belongs to you and what doesn’t belong to them. And if they kick up a fuss, don’t be afraid to threaten to take away their ransom insurance, it’ll be character building.
3. When your income is threatened, run a multi-million dollar advertising campaign
I’m sick of these whingers who have the nerve to say they don’t get paid enough, but then don’t have the balls to follow it up with a professionally developed TV campaign outlining their argument. Just the other day some kid working at McDonald’s said he was concerned he wasn’t going to be considered for a pay rise. I said “Don’t tell me, tell your advertising agency!” He just scoffed, which is typical of the younger generations these days.
4. Where possible, import cheap labour
If your maid or head gardener is an Australian citizen, you’re probably paying too much. Import labour where possible or, as I do with my cooking staff, set up a fly-in-fly-out strategy from a third world country. It cuts costs and at the same time provides an opportunity for those in need. Win-win.
5. Write a poem
Since I wrote my poem ‘Our Future’ my wealth has increased by over a billion dollars. Who says you can’t make money from the arts!