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US President Barack Obama won the beer skolling competition in his home state of Illinois last night, in a moving display of binge drinking. He will now go on to compete in the nationals in Los Angeles later this month.
Obama supporters labelled the win as ‘inspirational’ and ‘rousing’. Dianne Langley, who was at the event, said it filled her with a refreshed optimism for her country. “To see Mr Obama against all odds, throw back beer after beer in such a stirring fashion, it gives me hope for America. We’re not done with yet. We can do anything if we put our minds to it.”
Recovering alcoholic Bo Craig said “It’s inspired me to think about what’s important to me and start drinking again”.
It appeared as if the championship was beyond the President after he did a small vomit into his eleventh pint of Guinness. But he rebounded, holding up the twelfth and winning pint, shouting “Yes. We. Can” before charismatically downing the liquid in one gulp.
The crowd of supporters then broke into a spontaneous chant of “Four more beers! Four more beers!” to which Obama replied “Don’t be juvenile”.
In a spine-tingling, if slightly slurred acceptance speech, Obama said he hoped his victory would give encouragment to young, underprivilaged children who felt they could never win at anything. “If you’re walking down the right path and you’re willing to keep walking, eventually you’ll make progress. Although right now, I’m not so sure I can walk,” he said.
He also said that Republican nominee Mitt Romney – who doesn’t drink – was a nerd.