The Shovel

Australia's second favourite source of satire, after Today Tonight.

Indonesia To Allow Schapelle Corby To Go Home, As Long As It’s On A Boat

Operation Sovereign Borders will face its toughest test yet when Schapelle Corby sails into Australian waters on a small fishing vessel, possibly as early as this weekend. Advertisements

Featured · 16 Comments

Axing Of Today Tonight Sends Shockwaves Through Fad Diet Community

Channel 7’s decision to scrap current affairs flagship Today Tonight in Australia’s eastern states is a massive blow for serious journalism, according to those who rely on the show’s in-depth investigative … Continue reading

Featured · 13 Comments

2014 Shaping Up To Be Quickest Year Ever, Work Colleague Confirms

“It’s already February” account manager Jodie Burns told colleagues today. And if her predictions are correct, it will soon be March.

Featured · 9 Comments

Australians Told To Impartially Cheer For Home Team At Tomorrow Night’s T20 Match

The Federal Government has asked its citizens to barrack for Australia with rigorous unbiasedness at tomorrow night’s T20 cricket match against England at the MCG.

Featured · 11 Comments

Facebook’s 10th Birthday Cake To Be Decorated With Colourful Pieces Of Your Personal Life

Staff at social media juggernaut Facebook will be celebrating their company’s 10th birthday today by gorging on a giant cake, tastefully adorned with delicious fragments of your personal life.

February 4, 2014 · 1 Comment

New ‘Tech Bra’ Only Unhooks When Man Has Taken Bins Out

In a long-awaited fusion between hot-blooded hormones and cold, hard practicality, a new bra designed by Australian scientists will only unlock after the potential suitor has taken out the bins … Continue reading

January 29, 2014 · 1 Comment

Queening To Be Outsourced To India

All functions of the British Monarchy will be run from a small factory in Mumbai, after local efforts failed to keep costs to sustainable levels.

January 28, 2014 · 6 Comments

Climate Change No Longer A Threat, Reader Poll Confirms

Those concerned about climate change can rest easy, following a reader poll in a popular newspaper that revealed the phenomenon is no longer a serious threat.

January 22, 2014 · 12 Comments

My Kitchen Rules Promo Disrupted By Tennis Game

An extended promotion for one of Australia’s favourite TV shows, My Kitchen Rules, was constantly interrupted by a game of tennis last night, leading to an angry response from some … Continue reading

January 21, 2014 · 3 Comments

Woman To Donate $50 Per Month To Support A Place She’ll Probably Never Visit

Jenny Angelo, and thousands of other Australians like her, has pledged to give $50 each month to help support essential services in a far away location she may never have … Continue reading

January 16, 2014 · Leave a comment

REVEALED: Your Overseas Friends Actually Don’t Care What The Temperature Is Where You Are

Your mates in London and New York couldn’t give two shits that it’s 36 degrees in Australia, it has emerged.

January 14, 2014 · 7 Comments

US Private Equity Firm Buys Last Remaining Piece Of 1997

US firm Platinum Equity this morning bought Australia’s ‘Yellow and White Pages’ for a reported $454 million. It is believed to be a new record for signature pieces from the … Continue reading

January 13, 2014 · Leave a comment

Jesus Wondering Whether He Should Tell Cory Bernardi About The Whole Joseph Thing

Christian figurehead Jesus Christ was today wondering whether he should tell Senator Cory Bernardi about the fact he was brought up by his step-dad, or just let him continue thinking … Continue reading

January 10, 2014 · 26 Comments

Presumption Of Innocence caught associating with Legal System on the Gold Coast

One of the leading members of the ‘Fundamentals of Law’ gang – Presumption of Innocence – and his close friend Legal System were arrested by Queensland police last night after … Continue reading

January 8, 2014 · 8 Comments

Japan’s Scientific Research Program Still Yet To Uncover Why Whales Die When Speared With A Giant Harpoon

After decades of research, Japanese scientists are no closer to discovering why whales suddenly die when tracked down, surrounded and then shot with an explosive-tipped harpoon.

January 7, 2014 · 29 Comments

Australia’s Self Esteem Back To Safe Levels

Australia’s image of itself has been cautiously raised to ‘manageable’ after the nation won five games of sport in a row.

January 6, 2014 · 1 Comment

North Korean Basketball Team Won Next Wednesday’s Exhibition Game Against US, Local Report Reveals

An exhibition basketball game in North Korea next Wednesday, between a Dennis Rodman-led team of former NBA players and a senior local side, was won by the host nation, the … Continue reading

January 5, 2014 · 3 Comments

Workers Looking Forward To Not Listening To What Colleagues Did For Christmas

Office workers around the country can’t wait to switch right off when their colleagues tell them all about how they spent the Christmas break.

January 1, 2014 · Leave a comment

Gina Rinehart Reassures Joe Hockey: “I Inherited A $47 Billion Hole Too, And Everything Turned Out Ok”

Mining magnate Gina Rinehart has offered Federal Treasurer Joe Hockey her support after the Coalition today announced it had inherited a multi-billion dollar budget black hole from the previous Labor … Continue reading

December 17, 2013 · 15 Comments

NBN To Be Powered Entirely By Malcolm Turnbull’s Popularity

The Government today announced that it would cut all funding to the national broadband rollout and instead power the network directly with Communication Minister Malcolm Turnbull’s charm.

December 16, 2013 · 11 Comments

ABC Comes Clean: “Mr Squiggle Was A Puppet”

Just days after journalist Piers Akerman exposed ABC cartoon character Peppa Pig as a left-wing feminist mouthpiece, the Australian national broadcaster has conceded that iconic children’s television star Mr Squiggle … Continue reading

December 15, 2013 · 14 Comments

Ralph Lauren Polo Logo To Be Replaced With Actual Bag Of Money

Ralph Lauren’s classic polo shirt will be updated this season with the oversized man-on-a-horse-with-a-stick logo to be replaced with a large bag of money that will hang off the front … Continue reading

December 11, 2013 · 2 Comments

Man Forced To Watch Concert With His Own Eyes

A thirty-eight year old man from Brisbane was left with no alternative but to watch an entire concert with his eyes, after he mistakenly left his phone at home.

December 9, 2013 · 131 Comments

Paul Keating Almost Certainly The Best, Most Humble Prime Minister Ever, Says Paul Keating

Most of the significant human achievements of the past fifty years were the brainchild of Paul Keating, Paul Keating has revealed.

December 4, 2013 · 9 Comments

Fat, Ugly Rich Guy Makes Unexpected Appearance In Teenage Boy’s Fantasy

A complex fantasy about lingerie model Miranda Kerr, which teenager Sam Daw has been developing for several weeks, took a turn for the worst last night when billionaire James Packer … Continue reading

December 2, 2013 · 5 Comments

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